Anger Management

Life is tough these days and it seems that we have become a society of very angry people. We have grown up to think that to back down from a fight or a slight makes us a wimp or a coward. Society has taught us that we must stand up for ourselves and react when we are angry to get back at whoever made us angry in the first place. We see it on tv and in the movies all the time. Angry confrontation leading to ultimate success. If only that were true.

The signs of an angry person vary. It might start with screaming, cursing, and hitting or manifest itself as the repressed anger of resentment and depression. The first type of anger is easy enough to recognize and if we see a person yelling at someone else we know that the yeller is angry for some reason. Sometimes, that anger comes from a valid place, there may be good justification to be angry but it is still out of place. What does screaming and yelling ever achieve? A very good way to deflate an angry tone is to answer in a very quiet passionless voice. Remember that a kind word can turn away wrath. This response may not work the first time but try the sweet, friendly voice until you get the reaction you want. Generally, the angry person will lower his or her voice an octave more even if he is still angry. That is an almost automatic response to your friendliness. Then you can answer with an even softer and nicer tone. You get the idea. If you react to screaming with screaming, you will only escalate the problem which is something you must avoid doing. If simply reacting to anger with kindness stops the ticking bomb of anger, you are always better off.

Similarly with the yeller, you can lessen someone's cursing using the same mild voice. Even if you don't feel the least bit apologetic and see no reason for an apology, you can still say that you are very sorry for offending the person who is cursing. Saying this in a sincere manner will catch the angry person off guard. He may be completely puzzled and think you are the one who is crazy. Keep the same friendly, apologetic tone until the anger is over. At this time you should be able to rectify whatever the problem is whether it is large or small.

If someone is so angry that they are resorting to violence then you must get away as soon as possible and call someone in authority. Kind words will more than likely not work if an angry person has already resorted to violence and you may become a target yourself. If you can't get away then you must try to defuse the situation using the quiet, kind and very apologetic voice. Hopefully, if you have already used this method, most angry people won't stay so angry that they resort to violence.

Repressed anger can very easily turn to depression and many people feel that depression is anger that is turned inwards. If you suffer from depression because of slights or hurts from the past or even the present, it is never too late to seek professional help in the form of talk therapy or antidepressants. Depression and resentment ruin lives and only rarely can a person suffering from deep depression help himself. Once the depressed person realizes that he is helpless, he should immediately seek help. Recovering is a long process but definitely worth the work.

You will see anger all around you. It is on television, in the movies, in the supermarket, the doctor's office and even in church so we have to accept that it is there. No one wants to be around an angry person and most of us just want to be loved, even that angry person. If they can learn how to cope with angry people they might even help these people learn how to cope with anger and learn how their own anger affects other people's lives.

Copyright 2007-08 Jim - All Rights Reserved

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